Lorna Lythgoe, Author at Good Life School

Little stones piled on bigger stones, Zen style

A sceptic’s tentative foray into meditation

Lorna Lythgoe on October 12, 2023

Written for the Growthseekers blog in 2017:

I keep hearing about the benefits of meditation and mindfulness, but I’m a sceptic at heart. When I’m riddled with worries, I feel that trying to ‘fix’ the feelings with mental effort is the only way to calm the f*”k down.

But is doesn’t work. It hasn’t been working for me in, well, forever.

Daniel Goleman, best known for his work on emotional and social intelligence, gives a clear insight into why meditating might be a better approach than doing battle with anxiety, in his 2007 talk at Google. To understand his point, let’s first have a crash course in brain science.

Lizard brain

The amygdala, often referred to as our ‘lizard brain’, formed early in brain evolution. Needless to say, it’s pretty primitive. It’s responsible for ‘fight, flight or freeze‘, meaning it is triggered by threats to our well-being and doesn’t stop to ‘think’.

The amygdala keeps us safe: if you hear the screech of tyres nearby, the amygdala throws the switch so that all your senses are heightened and your muscles are primed to get you out of there.

The problem is, many of our contemporary ‘threats’ are abstract in nature. We’re unlikely to be stalked by a tiger, but we probably fear job loss, financial insecurity, the breakdown of a relationship, or living a life unfulfilled.

Unfortunately, the amygdala doesn’t differentiate. The alchemy of our individual biographies has distilled in each of us a unique brew of knee-jerk beliefs and fears so that when something triggers one of them, like Pavlov’s dogs, we respond on cue with a stress reaction.

In physiological terms, our hearts race, our bodies are flooded with Adrenocorticotropic hormones and our minds fixate on the threat. Even the way our brain prioritises information changes. “It changes the hierarchy within memory so that we remember and think about only what pertains to the thing that’s scaring us”, says Goleman.

No escape? Meditate

Clearly then, no amount of thinking your way out of anxiety is going to work. Yet it seems that many people of us continue this merry dance with our reptilian grey matter. Alternatively, we seek distraction, which can indeed be helpful – socialising, exercise, reading, comedy and so on can really take your mind off your worries. But you know they’ll be back, and worse.

The more often we experience a high stress reaction, the more prone we are to another onslaught. This is due to the neuroplasticity of our brain’s wiring, which is where repeated experience lays down stronger and stronger neural pathways. In other words, it’s how we learn.

This is where meditation comes in. But first, a little more on the brain. Our amygdala is moderated by the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), which manages emotion by using all available information to decide if a threat is really a threat. Using neuroimaging, Richard Davidson found that when people feel the familiar overwhelm of anxiety, the right side of the PFC is firing. But when people feel pumped but anxiety-free, it’s the left side that’s active. It turns out the left side has an inhibitory circuit for the amygdala.

“It calms the amygdala. People who have this ability have more good days, more high energy, more self confidence, more enthusiasm and better moods”, says Goleman. It also enables learning, hones concentration and increases cognitive capacity.

Each of us has a resting ratio to one side or the other which accurately predicts our mood range. So for those of us stuck too far to the right, Davidson’s research shows that meditation strengthens and builds the circuitry for managing and inhibiting distressing emotions in the left pre-frontal lobe. Thanks to neuroplasticity, the improvement can already be seen in the circuitry within eight weeks.

That’s a showstopper for me. It means all that effort to rationally deconstruct my fears and override negative thoughts pales into insignificance compared to the benefits of exercising a part of my brain that’ll take care of it all for me.

I started meditating last week. I’m following the 15 minute guided beginner meditation videos on YouTube channel, Kernal of Wisdom. So far, so good. I am in no way suddenly zen, but I could sit through the 15 minutes without irritation, and that is a great start. In fact, it was rather relaxing.

Daniel Goleman and Richard Davidson have just released a book about the brain science involved in meditation, Altered Traits, which dives deeper into this topic. In the meantime, check out the Huffington Post video of Richard Davidson explaining his research and its origins.

Stressed! Thoughts, Emotions and Tigers

Lorna Lythgoe on August 16, 2020

In all living organisms – humans included – there’s only one system-wide process for ‘alert’ versus ‘relaxed’.

That means that any experience, thought or emotion can activate our emergency response, just as if a tiger were lunging towards us.

When the stress response (aka ‘fight, flight or freeze’) is activated, our bodies are pumped full of adrenalin and cortisol, creating an internal state like a shaken fizzy drink.

In an activated state, our ‘rational’ brains go offline and our memory hierarchy rearranges so that we can access memories of danger in order to know how to act. In combination, these processes cloud our thinking and judgement and flood us with fear-based thoughts and emotions.

Perfect if you want to act fast to escape a T-rex. Not ideal if responding to work stress or a slight from your partner!

Nevertheless, the stress response is adaptive. Not only does it help us survive, but it can also be wonderfully energising – that exhilarating game of tennis is system-wide activation at its finest.

The problem is not the stress response itself, as we have feedback mechanisms that calm the system and restore equilibrium.

The problem is our culture has evolved faster than our biology, and so we’re exposed to chronic stressors we’re simply not built for, which overwhelm the mechanisms we have for healing and recovery.

Fortunately, we have the equipment; we just have to learn how to use it.

To live more physically and mentally healthy lives, we need to:

understand our elegant stress responses
learn how to identify and reduce stressors
learn how to harness and develop our stress-neutralising resources
learn how to surf the inevitable waves

Photo by Zulnureen Shariff on Unsplash

Self-esteem – it’s not really about you at all

Lorna Lythgoe on July 3, 2020

I was very surprised when a friend recently told me I have the highest self-esteem of anyone she’s ever met.

We get on, so I reckon she means well. But it’s not always a compliment, is it?

We aspire to raise our self-esteem and lament our lack of it. Many hours of therapy are devoted to exploring it – where it went, why, how to nurture it.

So when it’s there, worn on our sleeve for the world to see, why can it make the lip curl?

There’s a cultural component here. Known as ‘tall poppy syndrome’ (and, in Japan, as ‘the nail that sticks out’), there is a strong distaste for the one who stands out. We criticise them as braggarts or show-offs. The tall poppy must be cut down to size.

But just why is it so terrible to stand up and be heard?

There are a lot of people who know what it’s like to be silent and silenced. Women, those in poverty, BAME people, trans folk, the global south… People have given a lot for their voices to be heard.

To speak your truth is to have power.

The nail that stands proud ‘needs to be hammered down’ because the haves need the have nots to conform.

The worst part is we have internalised the message that we are undeserving of power, and so we police each other, cutting down to size anyone who ‘gets above their station’.

When someone outright owns their strengths and talents, we think them arrogant. We disavow their proclamation of self-worth.

What my friend may not realise about me is that I have all the usual self-doubts (this morning, I was in a teary rage for generally not being good enough). But when my ego gives me a break (for that is what such self-judgements are; in its role as mediator between who you really are and what you think the world wants of you, the ego dishes out a lot of abuse), I make a point of celebrating all that I have.

I’m acutely aware that every moment of life is a miracle. It’s also tragically short. I’ve spent years tussling with low mood, heart-racing worry and excruciating loss, so whenever there’s a window of blue sky, I’m out there vocalising my thanks for what I’ve got, what I’ve experienced, and who I am.

They call that self-esteem. I call it recognition of what you’re being briefly loaned from the universe.

It’s not really about you at all.

Person with their arms outstretched looking at a vivid sunset

The Surprising Benefits of Positive Emotions

Lorna Lythgoe on June 9, 2020

The Role of Positive Emotions

Positive emotions don’t just feel good in the moment. They neutralise the effects of negative emotions, help build our psychological, social and practical resources, and improve our physical health and longevity.

We don’t need strong positive emotions to get the benefit, we need little and often. Positive emotions are like nutrients – you don’t eat a single sprig of broccoli and expect the nutritional benefit; you need a steady intake.

Learning to increase how often we experience positive emotions in our daily life and how to notice and savour the fleeting moments we normally miss is the key to getting the most out of them.

Health and Longevity

The fight-or-flight response triggered by negative emotions can take a toll on our bodies if overactivated, such as through chronic stress, leading to sometimes life-threatening conditions.

Happily, positive emotions seem to ‘undo’ the effects of negative emotions, such as by lowering heart rate and blood pressure. This is great news for our health and longevity!

According to research, for every negative emotion we experience, we need three positive emotions as an antidote. The 3:1 ratio is helpful to keep in mind: it’s not that we need to banish negative emotion or permanently feel positive. We just need to take opportunities to experience positive emotions instead of letting them pass us by.

Negativity Bias

Our brains are structured to notice negative events more than positive because detecting threats helped early humans survive.

Think about the last time someone said something that bothered or insulted you – this probably stands out and triggers a negative emotional reaction. Yet all the moments in between when you got along well are largely unnoticed or forgotten.

Negative emotions grab our attention. Consider how you feel when you’re angry or scared. These can be powerful states that overwhelm our bodies and minds. They involve a very real physiological response, as our brain’s amygdala triggers a neural and hormonal cascade causing our body to prepare for ‘fight or flight’.

In contrast, positive emotions can be subtle. If you happen to notice your positive emotions – though quite often, we don’t! – you probably feel a little ’lift’ in your spirits. But if a car then races towards you, it will dominate your attention and get a far bigger reaction from you.

Broaden and Build

Negative emotions might help us survive, but it’s positive emotions that help us thrive.

Whereas negative emotions narrow the focus of our attention and cause us to take actions like defending ourselves or escaping danger, positive emotions cause us to broaden our thinking and behaviour. For instance, joy makes us want to play, and feeling inspired is followed by a desire to do great things.

With these broadened mindsets and behaviours, over time we build our mental and physical resources and even our social bonds. Imagine, for example, that you experience the positive emotion of ‘interest’ in something. Your interest leads you to learn more and more until you find you’ve become quite the expert. Likewise, as you share moments of amusement and affection with someone, your relationship becomes increasingly meaningful and supportive.

As our resources build, we feel more optimistic, more resilient and more socially connected, which in turn generates more positive emotions. This upward spiral is the essence of happiness.

Here’s how these ten positive emotions broaden our thinking and behaviour:

Amusement – shared laughter/insight
Hope – yearn for positive change
Joy – play
Pride – dream big
Gratitude – creative giving
Inspiration – aspire to excellence
Serenity – savour
Awe – accommodate the new
Interest – explore
Love – all of the above!

References:

Cohn, M., Fredrickson, B., Brown, S., Mikels, J., Conway, A., & Phelps, E. A. (2009). Happiness Unpacked: Positive Emotions Increase Life Satisfaction by Building Resilience. Emotion, 9(3), 361-368.

Kashdan, T., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2015). The power of negative emotion: How anger, guilt and self doubt are essential to success and fulfillment. London: Oneworld Publications.

Lomas, T., & Ivtzan, I. (2016). Second Wave Positive Psychology: Exploring the Positive-Negative Dialectics of Wellbeing. Journal of Happiness Studies, 17(4), 1753-1768.

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash